People say leave the past in the past. It’s the past and it belongs there, move on. People who have had a past, don’t say stuff like that.
Those struggles to get out of bed, to do what needs to be done, to give it all your best, to love, to hate, to feel sorry, to feel pissed off, to feel, to care about someone, to be left out, to be disappointed, to feel alone, to fuck up, to be happy, exasperated, loved, beaten up.
You can’t leave it. Why would you leave something that is part of you?
It’s the most beautiful part of us and who we are. The darkest secrets, most epic failures, the grandest of achievements…
Some paint those secrets, failures, feelings, on walls of churches. Some write them as books. Some don’t and keep them to themselves.
It’s a reminder of what we are and what’ve done to become who we want to be and are, right now.
When we felt the most vulnerable.
When we felt the most indestructible.
The pieces of the puzzle called you.
Why would you leave that? They will haunt you for sure. They will, at times make your life excruciatingly impossible to live.
But they will also allow you to see what things are worth living for. How would you know what to live for if you haven’t lived for things that aren’t worth living for?
The difference between people that have lived a past worth living, and vice versa is how you deal with that past and how you cary it with you.
Is your past a burden or is it a relief?
Will it help you find that happiness you’ve always dreamed for and you’ve deserved?
Carry it, nurture it, as if its your own most beautiful part that never got enough attention and love.
On a cosmic level – we’re nothing. Not even stardust.
On an atomic level – a bunch of atoms that figured, hey we seem to vibe together, let’s vibe for some time and see how it goes. Stuff might happen. Aide.
In between, we are just people with a past, present and a future.
How we accept those three parts, is how we will live right now.
Don’t expect people to understand that. Unless, in their own way, they accepted the same things the way you did.
If you meet one of those people? Then you’re in for a ride of your fucking life.